Leftists self-identify as “progressives.” Yet anyone with a scrap of sanity and a rudimentary understanding of their philosophical antecedents, as well as their injurious policy prescriptions, objectively identifies the Left not as “progressive” but as “regressive.” Their incessant, implacable lust to destroy the American Revolution’s novel birth of individual freedom and replace it with an antiquated, governmentally coerced collectivism cannot be classified as anything ordinarily understood to be “progress.”
Today’s “progressives” stand in opposition to the autonomy of the empowering times in which we find ourselves, namely the communications revolution. Their deluded aim seeks a societal regression back through serfdom to “noble savagery” all in the name of an “equality” that ultimately reveals itself to be one of penury, misery, and servitude (unless one is a member of the Leftist governing elite).
Yet, is this view fair to the Left? After all, isn’t regression simply the march of progress in reverse? Is it not, then, possible the regressive Left is, in point of fact, also progressive? Is it not, then, only fair to credit the Left for its “progressive” deeds; and, further, donning radically chic Leftist berets is it possible to reimagine ourselves as good little lemming Lefties singing their praises?
Shrug. Why not?
The Left has progressed beyond prosperity all the way back to socialism. It is cruel, though sadly not unusual, for people to keep what they earn. For these selfish folks, charity may balm their consciences, but its other cumulative effects amount to a drop in the bucket compared to the social justice the government can and must buy with your money. The craving for social justice will only be sated when such avaricious people are forced to realize all money is the government’s money. Then, and only then, can America’s newly minted citizen-serfs be grateful for the crumbs the government deigns to let us keep. And for just desserts, all rich people will be skewered and roasted on a spit. Bon appetit!
So too, during the 2019 State of the Union, the Left progressed beyond the Constitution’s speech and debate clause’s protections back to the Roman Senate, where everybody had to “watch your ass.” (If you don’t believe me, ask Caesar.) But following the sage advice found in Parliament (George Clinton’s not Great Britain’s) to “free your mind and your ass will follow,” we peons likely owe a debt of thanks to the Left for demanding their elected officials toe their party line and put booty before country. Ah, the sweet whiff of freedom!
What else would one expect from the Left that has progressed beyond Watergate back to weaponizing the police powers of the state against its opponents like a hungover J. Edgar Hoover? And, to further protect America from the legitimate outcome of conservatives being elected, the Left has progressed beyond McCarthyism by insinuating and outright accusing the president of the United States of being a treasonous stooge of the Kremlin not based upon concrete evidence but upon “credible allegations,” the origin of many of which were ginned up in the wholly unverified Democratic opposition research. Never has America been so well protected against the deplorable decisions of its own citizens.
Speaking of citizenship, the Left has progressed beyond legal immigration to open borders and sanctuary states and cities. Because the census counts persons not citizens, illegal immigration is a boon to sanctuary states, like California, for the purposes of the apportioning seats in the U.S. House and (ergo) weighting the Electoral College. In a splendiferous instance of Karma, this increases the sanctuary states’ power vis-à-vis the xenophobic states obstinately upholding federal immigration laws; and, if you will, helps to wall in the political power of the hateful voters residing therein.
In one sanctuary city, San Francisco, the Left has progressed beyond public sanitation back to open air sewers. This is not due to illegal immigrants but rather to the city leaders’ compassion for down on their luck citizens, which manifests itself in turning a blind nostril to public defecation and an agile foot to avoid used needles. Historically, such unsanitary conditions were plague incubators. But though the impoverished denizens of Dickensian London might have had an evil empire, they didn’t have evil Big Pharma’s antibiotics. And once those price gouging corporate jackals are nationalized under “Medicare for All,” the more open sewers the merrier. Plague, schmague. The comparative effectiveness panels will make sure those they deem the most productive patients will get medicated and well. As for the rest of us, at least it’s free when the government declares us too expensive to save.
In public schools, the Left has progressed from God and prayer back to pagan earth worship. Sure, you can’t post the Ten Commandments, but the staff can pass out condoms—and it doesn’t matter if your deplorable parents are peeved about it. Now, if those condoms fail, here’s a Planned Parenthood brochure. And, in case Climate Change kills us faster than the settled science promises—happy Earth Day, goddess Gaia!
In our universities, the Left has progressed beyond education to indoctrination. It wasn’t easy to transition from teaching students how to think to, instead, teaching students what to think, but our radical, taxpayer subsidized Lefty professors were more than equal to the task. It is all the more amazing these professors managed to do so while hardly teaching classes at all, what with publishing, punditry, activism, and sabbaticals and so forth. Somehow, though, they’ve managed to cajole and coerce your child into forsaking independent thought in return for becoming a cog in the collective machine. Oh, the transcendent self-esteem birthed from following the herd and, if white and male, self-loathing! No wonder we need free college for all. More adequately compensating lefty professors, silencing hate-speech and creating safe spaces on campus costs money. But almost as importantly, nobody should go broke getting woke!
In society, the Left has progressed beyond the melting pot, pluralism, and a color-blind society back to the identity politics and cultural appropriation complaints like those enlivening the Balkans, circa 1914. Nothing is more American than loving one’s neighbor, so long as they first hate themselves for being an unconscious racist subject to a Pavlovian response to the dog whistles which, oddly, only the Left seems to hear.
No matter, though, all such [fill in the blank] phobes shall be revealed by a Leftist media that has progressed beyond objectivity back to accountability journalism, which rekindles journalism’s golden age of Pravda and Izvestia by insisting reporters have an ethical obligation to insert the Left’s party line opinion into their “reporting” of events. How else could the Left progress beyond “innocent until proven guilty” back to “all accusations are credible against non-Leftists” without a like-minded media mob marching in lockstep with platforms and tweets aloft to slay conservative monsters!
Speaking of monstrosities, the Left has progressed beyond national security back to appeasing our enemies with all the toxic masculinity of Neville Chamberlain. It wasn’t easy lifting all those billions onto a plane bound for Iran, the world’s number one state sponsor of terrorism who happens to chant “Death to America.” It’s not like they mean it, any more than those cuddly mullahs want “Death to Israel.” Besides, oil rich Iran’s leaders are too busy developing a peaceful domestic nuclear energy industry to bother anybody.
Then there’s the despicable fact the Left has progressed beyond “safe, legal and rare” back to “infanticide” on a scale unimagined by—but for reasons not unfamiliar to—the ancient practitioners of child sacrifice.
Let us doff our radically chic leftist berets and again don our thinking caps. No, the above isn’t an exhaustive list of what the Left considers its “successes.” Thus, it is crucial to realize “progress” marks the milestones along the journey not the desirability of the destination. One could progress into a rose garden or off a cliff.
In the instance of the regressive Left, if granted sway to get their way, America’s revolutionary experiment in human freedom and self-government will falter, fail and progress into a socialist, Orwellian abyss. Talk about something worth resisting.
But, hey, orange man bad, right?
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